I am in need of a way to gently tell my b/f that its time to let his cat go in order to be pain free.
He has had his cat nearly 13 years, and has gone through a lot with him. Said cat throws up on a regular basis, His BM's are watery, he has lost a ton of weight and is having B/M's all over the house. He walks as though his hips hurt and just seems to be in a lot of pain. The vet ran a few tests which didn't show anything out of the norm, and we have run dry because of the vet bills. I know he knows he is sick and dieing slowly, but i think he is being selfish by keeping him alive for his own personal connection. The poor cat is hurting. How do I tell him it is time to let go without making me feel guilty, and without making it seem like i am telling him to get rid of his best friend?
Thanks for your help in advance.
Answers:
You need to talk confidently and compassionately to your friend. You need to convey that its the cat that is your main concern.
Quality of life is the way we determine if it is the right time. We are somewhat fortunate to be able to end pets suffering when the time comes.
The time comes when the animal is either not eating, drinking or unable to control their bowels.
Cats are proud animals and in his current condition either needs critical veterinary care or sad to say euthanized.
We are able to end suffering for the animals we love and it is a final gift we can give them. It is selfish to let them suffer when we have the capacity to end a slow painful death. I am a veterinary technician and I've watched animals suffer needlessly because of an owners hesitance to let go. Its a shameful and I can't fathom how people can rationalize it.
Tell your friend his best friend of a cat needs him to be a true friend. If he can't afford to treat his b/f he needs to do right by the cat and let him go.
Animals have a way of letting you know its time. Tell your friend to be open to that signal from the cat. Its the most selfless thing we can do for our animals.
YOU CANT TELL HIM TO DO THAT,,BUT YOU CAN MAKE A SUGGESTION ABOUT IT. TELL HIM WHAT YOU JUST WROTE ABOUT THE WHOLE SITUATION... EVENTUALLY HE WILL SEE IT FOR HIMSELF.
I don't really know. Everytime I have needed to put my animals down, the vet has instructed that this was the best thing to do and there wasn't any real hope for the animal to live a good life without pain.
well, when i was 17 I had a cat that was 18 and I had him for probably 13 years. When I got him he was 25 lbs, and when he was on his last leg he only weighed a whole 5 lbs. He would throw up all over the house, so we had to keep him in one room. And my parents said hes in pain he needs to be put out of his misery, and when I saw him just laying there and he couldn't even move I said ok. But then that night he died, and I was going to let him be put to sleep that next day...Does he realize that his cat is in so much pain, once I saw that he was unable to do anything and how much weight he had lost, I knew that it was time. Hopefully he will realize it soon so that you don't have to look like a bad guy ( when your just trying to help out)
best of luck
My suggestion would be to tell him what you just told us. Point out the reality for him. Show him that the cat is just not the same. Explain that its not fair to put his best friend through this to keep them together. I had to put my boxer down a little over a year ago. It was the hardest thing ever. But I saw what he was going through and eventually realized what needed to be done. I was there with him through the whole thing. It may take time but hopefully you can get your boyfriend to realize the same thing.
Some people have a very hard time letting go of their pets. It is certainly not an easy thing to do, but perhaps deep down you boyfriend knows his friend needs to be let go, but has just not been able to admit it to himself. I know I have been through this a number of times. There comes a time though, when even the most hopeful of people realize the time has come to say goodbye. I honestly don't know how you are going to get this across gently, because I know how I felt when it was pointed out to me. I think you should keep trying though, and that may help him to come to a decision a bit sooner. Until he does make the decision, try to be as understanding as you can, because believe me, it is a decision that no one ever really wants to have to make.
I can sympathize with your boyfriend and his difficult choice. I had to say goodbye to 2 of my beloved kitties last year - one was 14 and one 10, both from cancer. And both didn't show symptoms until it was very advanced.
All the friends I spoke with about knowing the right time said to me they wished they had done it sooner for their pets. Cats in particular will hide illnesses - to avoid showing weakness, it's a throwback from their heritage as lions. They are often in far more pain than we realize, and I know your boyfriend doesn't want his kitty to be in pain.
The best thing you can do is really encourage him to think of the pain and suffering his kitty is experiencing. It's the quality of his life that is suffering. If he is eliminating all over the house, he is clearly having problems. It's hard to believe the vet didn't find anything wrong - is your boyfriend telling you the whole story on that? Or do you need to find a new vet? What tests exactly did the vet run? One of my kitties cancer didn't show up on an xray until about a week before he passed.
I think in his heart your boyfriend knows it's time to say goodbye. But the fact is, there comes a time when that is the most loving thing we do as pet owners. What may help is for him to spend some quality time with his kitty, telling him how much he's meant to your boyfriend, letting this kitty know how loved he is and how appreciated he is. Saying goodbye is never easy, especially when we're the ones making the final decision. Your boyfriend might even want to write a letter to his favorite kitty and tell him what he has meant. Anything to express the feelings will be helpful.
He may also consider having the vet come to the house. I was able to do that with my 14-year old and he was in the garden in his favorite chair when he left me. Whatever feels best to your boyfriend. There is definitely sadness, but the memories of all the fun times together will sustain him as he says goodbye to his dear friend.
Best of luck.
I think your boyfriend is aware of what is happening to his cat but just can't bring himself to do it. As someone suggested you could make the call and take him down yourself.
We had a cat that kept losing weight and was gaunt looking. They ran a few tests and found nothing, so they did exploratory surgery and found his vital organs were full of cancer. They called and asked if they should let him come out of the anesthesia so we could say goodbye. I told them no because I was thinking of the cat so they euthanized him before he even came out of anesthesia. And that was $900.00 later.
Obviously he loves his cat but I hope he loves him enough to put aside his own feelings and do the right thing. Good luck.
Humans go through several distinct phases at the prospect of losing a loved one. The first is definitely denial so that is probably where your bf is now. You put it just right when you said "gently". When my son's cat was in the same state the vet had him give budisonide (sp?), a steroid that acts only in the intestinal tract. It did stop the vomiting and diarrhea so please ask the vet about that. I think that Madison did have some sort of intestinal lymphoma (he was about 14) and it was never really diagnosed. My son also gave him fluids on a regular basis.
I was very upset that my son let Madison go from twelve pounds to about four before he died. I would have euthanized him long before he got that debilitated. Some people have a very difficult time letting go.
Try to get the budisonide for the cat to relieve his symptoms. It is an expensive drug and your bf must do something for the cat.
Talk to him and talk to the vet together. Ask your vet what he thinks is the best course. If he recommends putting the kitty out of his misery, hopefully your boyfriend will agree. Offer to help with all the details like making the appointment, burial, etc. Depending on your boyfriend, he may or may not want to be there when the shot is administered. We once had a vet that was willing to come to our home so our pet could die in her home.
Also, some people recommend getting another pet as soon as possible. It's not meant to be a replacement, just something to keep you busy and keep your mind off the loss.
You haven't given any information that would make it seem that your opinion is the right one. Is it the mess that is bothering you?
Try some acidophoulous for the runny bowels. Have you gotten any arthritis meds from the vet? Were blood tests run? Have you gotten a second opinion? By all means if a cat is sufferring it should be helped even if that means putting to sleep but all the stuff you talk about seems like it is treatable to me.
I think if a vet recommended that option to him, he might better accept that suggestion since its from a qualified professional.
The cat may actually have nothing wrong with it other than a dietary issue. If the cat is throwing up and has runny bowels that is dietary not health. 13 is not old for a cat, I have a 22 year old cat who is healthy as a horse.
If your b/f is feeding the cat store bought food and cheap food at that it could be the reason.
Also check into Irritable Bowel Syndrome in cats it is treated with prednisone and is relatively inexpensive.
If the vet says that there is nothing wrong then odds are there is nothing wrong other than diet. Change the cats diet to a better natural food and see how that change effect it. Go for the small kibble, dark food because that is better for the cat. Do not feed it moist cat food that will actually cause problems with their intestinal flaura.
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